


Good Grief

by Wildish_Gambino



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22812796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildish_Gambino/pseuds/Wildish_Gambino
Summary: every minutes and every hour, I miss youI miss youI miss you more///////////////////////Post endgame
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 10





	Good Grief

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn’t quite done but I might come back to it later

When Steve dies for the first time,Bucky does not mourn. He does not join the search efforts at the bottom of the ocean. He doesn’t attend the funeral and cry unto the empty coffin. He doesn’t sit and read poems to the headstone sat atop some empty plot in a Brooklyn Cemetery. Bucky is unaware. Bucky is a ghost now. And ghosts do not mourn anyone but themselves.   
When Steve dies for the second time, he is not technically dead, rather, sitting on a bench, old shield in hand, wrinkled and unfamiliar. As he passes the mantel to Sam, Bucky can see it now, the shallow grave his Steve was buried in. This man, whoever he was, was not his Steve. Just an imposter with the same kind eyes. And as Bucky looked into them, he felt God holding him together, willing him not to shatter. This Steve tries to hide his sad smile as he goes to shake Buckys hand. Bucky can only stare at him, empty.   
“Hey Buck” this Steve says, dropping his age spotted hands. Those same hands used to be so full of vibrancy. They held guns and saved lives. They were strong and capable and...now they start to tremor if held up for too long. Bucky leaves without another word, barely listening to this Steve’s weakened voice calling for him. He shuts his eyes. Counts to ten. Waits for the voice to drone out. Sam finds him a few days later, face still blank. But he can tell, By the dark circles under his eyes, the tell tale redness of the outer rim, Bucky is anything but blank.   
“It’s okay to be hurt”, he says. Bucky doesn’t even meet his gaze. He shuts his eyes. Counts to ten. Waits for the voice to drone out.   
After two weeks of not leaving his home, Sam takes it upon himself to bring Steve over. As the geriatric man hobbles in, Bucky fights off a gag. He was so small, so small again. His Steve would never want that. This Steve takes a seat slowly and throws that same sad smile across the room, as he starts to explain himself.   
“It was my only chance” he says. “I couldn’t miss the opportunity. I loved her Buck. You’ve got to understand-“. The words go in one ear and out the other. No, Bucky does not understand.   
“You loved me too”. Steve stops his menstruations abruptly, a pained look crossing his blue eyes. One has already started to lose its vision. Bucky clutches the edge of his chair, as his voice starts to shake. “You said you loved me too. And then you went, and left me. Left me here, a century in the future. There’s not a single thing for me here. You were what’s left of my world and now..”  
Buckys almost afraid that if he continues, this Steve would have a heart attack. He clutches his frail chest, eyes watery. Bucky takes it upon himself to kindly ask them to leave. He doesn’t see him again.  
When Steve dies for the third time, it is a year later. He passes peacefully in his sleep, found by his daughter when he failed to show up to Sunday brunch. Sam expects an earthquake, for the ground to shake from Buckys grief. What he gets, is radio silence. When he tells him, they’re at Buckys home, the safest place to tell him such news. Sam gets no response but a quiet “excuse me” as Bucky calmly heads for the bathroom. He hears no crying, no slamming, not even a single breathe. He waits for ten minutes, then thirty, and when Bucky fails to emerge from the bathroom, he leaves.   
As soon as the door falls shut, Bucky let’s himself collapse.


End file.
